Chronicles of a Songstress #7: "Armor"
What does it mean to really love yourself?
Is it going for the occasional massage? Giving yourself permission to a night of Chinese food and Netflix? Those are for sure acts of self-care and kindness, but what about the ability to love and forgive ourselves when we make mistakes— like when we are shitty to the people we love or to ourselves?
I've looked and turned to many for love and validation, thinking that if only I could get them to "see me" the gaping hole in my life would be filled. It took me a long time to realize that the extent to which I can love myself measures the capacity of love I can experience from others. That I've gotta see myself through the thick and thin, the good and the ugly. I must meet my mistakes with compassion and patience, rather than relentlessly punishing myself for my shortcomings. As I continue the journey of really getting to know, love, and accept myself, I am finally opening to the idea taking off my armor for another— to experience the ability to really love and be loved without strings or expectations. The kind of love where you allow each other to just be.
My armor is a thick one. It shields and protects my heart from experiencing any more pain.
My song “Armor” is an exploration of what it could feel like to let myself be raw, vulnerable, unguarded with another.